If you don’t know our superstar editor and my partner at Kaplifestyle, Stephanie, this guest post is a great way to learn her style. She’s beyond driven and inspires me (and our readers) daily with her leadership and grit. She sent me photos of the plates she purchased today which she intends to add to the bar. The pics prompted me to ask her to muse on her weight training experience. Her lifts are getting stronger and stronger. So is her mind. I have an opportunity to learn from Steph daily. Here’s your chance.

What if the problem with our fitness and nutrition regiments is that we have goals? Stick with me here.

Many people fail in life, not for lack of ability or brains or even courage, but simply because they have never organised their energies around a goal. – Elbert Hubbard

When I sat down to write this post, I didn’t have a clear structure in mind. I had a story I wanted to tell, but it was amorphous even as I started getting words down on the page, a series of loosely tied together anecdotes without much of a takeaway. I don’t enjoy writing thoughts that can’t be used by someone else (at least in theory, whether anyone does is another question). I wrestled with questions – why is this important? Why will anyone care?

In the process, I began considering my weight lifting. Like most women, and probably most people in general (never having been a man, I can’t speak to it personally), I have had various moments of wanting to lose weight, get in better shape, fit into a smaller pair of pants, whatever. We’re often told to make our goals “SMART” – Specific, Measureable, Achievable, Realistic, Time-bound. I’ve been better or worse about that at times, but as I discussed in my motivation post, nearly every lifestyle change I’ve embarked on has been defined by an external goal.

Most of these, I abandoned within weeks or months. I suspect I’m not alone – we’re all familiar with the great intentions of the New Year’s resolution or the push for swimsuit season. Those are punchlines to a joke for a reason; very few people stick with their envisioned changes. I wasn’t having success, and I wasn’t enjoying the process, so all my great intentions, even when mapped out to SMART goals, fell by the wayside.

The impetus for this post, however, came from the picture at the top of this post. I achieved the 100 pound mark on my bench presses and, by the time you’re reading this, will have done the same for my squats. I needed to go out and pick up those 25 lb. plates so that I can continue my ever increasing progression under the bar. I was excited enough that I immediately texted the picture to Gabe. It was a feeling of confidence, strength and pride suffusing me as I walked up to the checkout counter.

More than anything, I feel my self-conception changing. I am reaping the benefits of being able to better lift objects, to move better, to fit into my clothes (or not fit into them and needing to buy smaller sizes, as the case may be). But in the moment with the weight of the bar, moving it successfully is a step I take entirely on my own. I can rely on nothing but myself to complete the movement, and when I do, I’m reminded that I can stare down obstacles and succeed in the face of challenges. It’s an exciting feeling.

I believe that a big part of my getting to this point was not having those well-defined goals when I went back to lifting weights. Sure, I wanted to be stronger and fitter, to lean out and tone up, but I had no plan. My only focus was “I’m going to move these objects in this way today.” I don’t know what my maximum lift will be, beyond the fact that it will be less than Gabe’s, so there is no pressure to get there. I’m adding weight, so I’m moving in the right direction, but if there was a day where I needed to take a little bit off, I could do that without feeling like I was falling short of some sort of finish line.

Meeting a goal, to me, signifies some sort of completion, an ending. In the case of my weight lifting, I don’t see an ending looming on the horizon, merely a continuation and a long road of progression. I doubt this mentality would work for everything, but perhaps I’m working towards my own version of embodying the other Kaplifestyle motto – “no rules.”