We can and should optimize for mental health and well-being with the same tenacity that we pursue the physical. The upside is happiness and longevity.

I feel like writing about my grandmother, Rose (of course). She’s 98 years old and stunningly beautiful. She smiles perpetually. I spent time with her today, and she was simply glowing. When she speaks of others, she beams with genuine adoration. These are practiced behaviors for her. As long as I can remember, she has only gushed to me about our loved ones in common. She has appeared angelic in those interactions. You know how we work around here. Never anecdotes without research. From sciencedaily.com:

It appears to go against common sense — not to mention classic psychological theory — but researchers writing in the April edition of the American Psychological Association’s (APA) Journal of Personality and Social Psychology say they have identified a common, but apparently mindless, psychological phenomenon that plays a previously unrecognized role in the way people form impressions of other people. Specifically, they’ve found that when someone attributes positive or negative traits to someone else, the listener will often attribute those same traits to the speaker.

Rose has always been fascinated by supreme health and well-being.

When I was roughly 10 years old, I was in bed with the flu when my grandmother gracefully entered and sat down with me. She took my hand in hers and squeezed with the world’s softest skin. She looked me in my eyes and told me that I was in control of how I felt. She legitimately believed I could affirmatively make a decision to stop being ill, if that was my desire. She wasn’t far off base. From Jo Marchant:

What researchers are now realizing is that positive beliefs don’t just work by quelling stress. They have a positive effect too – feeling safe and secure, or believing things will turn out fine, seems to help the body maintain and repair itself. A recent analysis of various studies concluded that the health benefits of such positive thinking happen independently of the harm caused by negative states such as pessimism or stress, and are roughly comparable in magnitude

The impact she had in that moment wasn’t on my illness. The lesson that I was in control of how I felt sunk in and continues to elevate my awareness to this day. This post isn’t about wishful thinking, it’s about affirmative action. Much of my grandmother’s leadership and modeling is of the silent variety.

Behavior isn’t always as it appears.

My grandmother unapologetically takes care of her own needs without causing harm to others and does so graciously and quietly. If she is feeling uncomfortable or irritable in any way, she splits. Just like that, she’s on her way, regardless of circumstances. On the top layer, this may seem selfish. Dig beyond the surface and it’s quite the opposite. My grandma is aware of the impact irritability has on other people and consciously avoids interacting in that state. I respect this decision a great deal. It’s akin to the idea that if you don’t have anything nice to say, say nothing.

Rose has made a powerful decision in her life to exude positively charged energy, and it’s all I’ve ever felt from her. She’s educated me on why optimism matters and modeled strong, confident, bold behavior.

My young men and I often talk about how we genuinely look forward to each day. I shared that with my Aunt Nina, Rose’s daughter, this afternoon. Nina smiled, and her eyes lit up. This concept was anything but foreign to her. Nature, nurture or a combination of both, my grandmother’s mark on her family has been indelible.

Like I said, she’s nearly 100 years old and a picture of calm, exquisite health. Coincidence? Hell no.

Strong mind,

Kap