Hey there, KL readers. As you may have heard, I’m headed back to work in baseball. I’m genuinely ecstatic. You’ve been following for some time, so you’ve likely heard me throw out the JFK quote, “Do not pray for easier lives, pray for stronger men.” I believe through building stronger men and women, we make the world a safer, more negotiable place. I’ll have a chance to contribute to that mission in my new role with the Dodgers.

Many of you have asked if I’ll still write this blog. The answer is unequivocally yes. Here’s the beautiful thing: This blog is meant in large part for men and women trying to find their place in a very confusing environment. Guess who fits that mold? Right. Young baseball players. Yes, I’ll write this blog for you. Yes, I’ll write this blog for them. And yes, I’ll write this blog for me.

Let’s get to this week’s open thread.

Mike:

Kap, when you reach a weight goal on the 5×5 do you automatically go up in weight the following week? If so how much?

Mike,

I’ve reached a point in my 5×5 where, despite my best efforts, I’m not adding weight. On stronger days I might be up in plates; on weaker days you might find me down. However, for someone with the capability to continue to add, I strongly suggest incrementally adding weight over time. Here’s what I wrote in a previous post for folks just discovering the 5×5:

Particularly for beginners, I recommend a substantial ramp up phase to weight training. Start with little weight and very low reps. For example, if the 5×5 is the goal, start with one or two reps and incrementally build each workout from there until you reach 5 sets and 5 reps.

Once you reach a safe place where you are solid in form, I certainly suggest adding week over week if you’re able and recovering well.

Hope that helps,

Kap

Jordan Slade:

Hey Kap I tend to lack confidence in most things I do, from school, work and social settings and my fitness regimen. just wondering if you have any tips on how to deal with my lack of confidence?

Wow, Jordan. It’s pretty brave of you to reach out for help on such a major issue in your life. I’d suggest you take pride in that alone. Most folks would have a hard time saying that out loud, and you did so in a very public setting with your name attached. Start by being aware that you displayed courage. Kudos to you.

If I was in your shoes, I’d drill into the places in my life where I feel confident. You said that you lack confidence in “most” sections. That tells me you have areas that make you puff your chest out a bit. I suggest further developing, even to the degree of mastery, the things that make you feel strong.

Personally, I gain confidence by taking the first step towards things that make me feel uncomfortable. Check out these powerful words from Eleanor Roosevelt:

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face… we must do that which we think we cannot.

I think you should practice risk assessment.

Perhaps you’re already behaving courageously simply by putting yourself out there in the settings you called out. Don’t stop. Be bold in your social interactions. Ask yourself, “what’s my downside?” The answer may be looking silly. If it is, so what? The upside is great. You might find a confidant, lover, or think partner for life.

There are more tangible steps, too. I wrote about changing your body language here and the immediate impact it can have on your confidence. Here’s an important excerpt from a respected social scientist:

Amy Cuddy shares an easy way that anyone can change not only others’ perceptions of them, but the way they feel about themselves — spending two minutes “power posing” with their arms or elbows out, their chin lifted and their posture expansive. Cuddy’s research, done in collaboration with Dana Carney, has shown that adopting the body language associated with dominance for just 120 seconds is enough to create a 20 percent increase in testosterone and a 25 percent decrease in the stress hormone cortisol. In other words, adopting these postures makes a person feel more powerful.

This all boils down to trial and error and mining value at the margins, Jordan. There is no navigation system that will take you from point A to point B, but there are lots of signposts. Keep your eyes peeled.

Kap