We often wax on the acquisition of power and explosiveness related to training and athleticism around here. Sometimes, there is an occasion that offers perspective on real power.

There is nothing quite as powerful as the love a father has for his sons. We experience proud days related to their conquests in sports, school and various achievements as they come of age. The moments in our lives when what is important to us becomes important to them are especially impactful.

Tonight, I sat between my two young men in a theatre and absorbed the movie Selma. I had my left arm around Chase, his head on my shoulder, and my right hand resting on Dane’s shin. We watched as the majestic story of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. leading a hazardous campaign to secure equal voting rights in the face of violent oppression was beautifully told. If you’ve been following this blog, you know my reverence for Dr. King. My dad constantly modeled MLKJ style masculinity, enabling me to truly decipher the difference between strong and weak. From psychologytoday.com:

Becoming Father the Nurturer rather than just Father the Provider enables a man to fully feel and express his humanity and masculinity. Fathering is the most masculine thing a man can do.

My father passed on his passionate take on equality to me, and I have passed it to my sons. There is little more fulfilling than watching these concepts unfold generationally. As my boys and I left the theatre and discussed our encounter with MLKJ’s life, they each individually expressed, “Wow, that was powerful.” I beamed. Not only because they connected with the film or because they were inspired by the content, though that was important. I was most proud because those were my words they spoke, that was my language. Rather, more accurately, they were my dad’s words, and Dr. King’s, and those of many of the greatest men and fathers in our history.

Modeling for our sons works. History stands as proof of concept. From wikipedia.com:

Martin Luther King Sr led the Ebenezer Baptist Church in Atlanta, Georgia, and became a leader of the civil rights movement, as the head of the NAACP chapter in Atlanta and of the Civic and Political League. He encouraged his son to become active in the movement.

I’m betting that encouragement came not in the form of preaching to Junior, although I’m sure that was a factor. Much more critically, it likely came through sharing passion and modeling strength. Kids don’t want to be like their fathers because of what they say. They follow the fervor. The correlations are undeniable. From a Stanford University study (pdf):

Correlations in the behavior and welfare of parents and their children have been widely documented. For example, parents and children exhibit strong correlations in their political affiliation, religion, education levels, substance use, language proficiency, income and wealth. There are many explanations for these, generally involving some sort of direct influence of the parent on the child through channels ranging from genetics to household environment to bequests.

Science aside, we make indelible marks on our sons through their witnessing our interactions in the world. They notice every phone call, every encounter and, ultimately, what we stand for. If we are proud of what we model, we will inevitably be prouder when they follow suit.

Strong mind,

Kap