In order to be a strong communicator, sometimes you have to shut up and listen.

I’ve always enjoyed the process of problem solving. My first inclination is always to come up with a solution. In recent years, however, I’ve discovered that playing a hushed role is far more effective to another working through an issue. From sklatch.com:

Another significant barrier to good listening is “trying to be helpful”. Although trying to be helpful may seem beneficial, it interferes with listening because the listener is thinking about how to solve what he perceives to be the speaker’s problem. Consequently, he misses what the speaker is actually saying.

Look, you’ve been on the other side. You’ve been the sharer. Sometimes you just have to get some shit of your chest. Effective listening creates an environment where that person feels that you understand them.

Being present is critical to truly understanding another. Communication, ultimately, is about building relationships, both personal and professional. When we truly listen to another, we create an environment of warmth and demonstrate that we care. Listening is a more effective method of providing support than providing advice. From lifehacker.com:

When someone is explaining a problem to you, it’s a pretty common response to want to fix their problem and offer up advice. However, in the case of couples, The Wall Street Journal suggests you avoid giving that advice if you want to keep those relationships strong.

When you get to know someone really well, you also start to think you know what’s best for them. Subsequently, you start offering advice when they don’t really want it.

Giving advice when it isn’t requested demonstrates a lack of faith in your partner’s ability to figure out a solution on their own. Often, we want to provide a solution in order to feel useful. This focus takes us away from a moment of connection, turning the exchange into a transaction. Our days are often busy, filled with hundreds of different distractions. Giving another our undivided attention is one of the most meaningful actions we can take.

Pretty simple concept, not always the easiest execution.

Strong mind,

Kap