If we want the people we love and the people we work with to trust and follow us, we must always be able to answer the question, “why?”  If we can’t answer that question with an affirmatively logical reason when it comes to how we do things and the decisions we make, we need to change course.

This evening, I sat with my 15 year old son Chase at the kitchen table over bowls of Thai soup. He grabbed the brand new carton of milk from the fridge, but no glass. I looked at him, confused, the expression on my face conveying, “oh hellllll, no.” I watched him carefully as he removed the cap. Then, I verbalized my thoughts, leading to the following conversation.

Me: “Chase, you’re not going to drink directly out of that container, are you? Dane (his brother) will use that milk for cereal.”

Chase, very calmly and deliberately: “Dad, why not? You and Dane drink water directly out of the glass containers in the fridge.”

Me: “That’s not apples and apples. Milk isn’t water.”

Chase:  “Germs can get into water the same way they can get into milk. Why are you guys willing to share water but he and I can’t share milk?”

Damn. I didn’t have a logical, reasonable answer to the question, “why?” So I conceded. “Brother (yes, I call my son brother from time to time), you’re right. Go ahead and drink the milk directly from the carton.” Chase smiled confidently.

My flexibility was important to his development, but more importantly, this concession made sense. Reasons should exist for policies and boundaries and they should be rational. Our family members and our loved ones are our customers. The followers of any organization, and that includes family members, want to understand the impetus for decisions and course changes. From Simon Sinek:

People don’t buy what you do, they buy why you do it. What you do is simply proof of what you believe.

I believe that continually mining for the answer to the question “why?” leads to confidence in our decision making process. If we think about the value proposition of our actions and choices prior to making them, folks will feel our assuredness and jump on our bus.

I also believe the process of the dig for answers is what matters most in removing old paradigms, like the one I had about the milk. The practice enhances our nimbleness and we become fairer, more balanced leaders.

Strong Mind,

Kap